An Enlightened No is a Big YES!

flowers

We learn early in life the meaning associated with YES and NO. Much of it had to do with our emotional connection to reward or denial. Those two little words still trigger us today. (Notice what emotions or body sensations come up for you as you read the words YES or NO.)

Reflect back to childhood. The reply NO was usually upsetting, even a grave disappointment. It left us defeated and powerless.

“Mommy, can I have cookie?”
“NO, it is too close to dinner and you’ll spoil your appetite.”

“Dad, can I go with my friends over to the rec center to play basketball.”
“NO, you need to do your chores.”

Use your whole body intelligence. If you get a resonating YES, then hallelujah, by all means say YES. If it is anything else, employ one of your superpowers, the ENLIGHTENED NO.

In both of these examples there is cause. The Mom wants the child to have a good appetite and get the proper nutrition. The Dad is mindful of responsibility and commitments.  The kid doesn’t get any of this. Instead it might be experienced as a form of rejection, or at the very least negative and unpleasant. The brain interprets meaning and then stores in subconscious and keeps referring to.

As adults we have a hard time seeing a NO as an opportunity, especially when outside our control. The job we didn’t get or a soured relationship inquiry leaves us with the interpretation that we didn’t get what we wanted or there is something wrong with us.

Every experience and event in our life connects to the ones that follow. All of them inform, teach, and give us the tools to move consciously through the next one. What a gift! Sometimes it takes years to get that. One day we will look back and with great clarity understand how that particular job was never really a good fit and the “No” brought us down the path to a better one.

Those examples refer to getting a NO. How about generating one? NO, as your choice, is a great opportunity, yet are shy from using. It makes total sense in adulthood why we have such a hard time saying NO:

– Don’t want to be rude or offending.
– Afraid we won’t be offered the opportunity at hand again.
– Fear of missing out on the opportunity at hand.
– Feelings of guilt we will disappoint the other.
– It may ruffle theirs or someone else’s feathers
– What will they think of me if I say no?
– You want to be the hero and solve the problem.
– You believe you are obligated or “should”.

If you want your create a life that is expansive you’ll need to start answering in a way that reflects truly how you feel. First thing is to get out of your head. Arrive at the answer by asking your whole body intelligence the question. If you get a resonating YES, then hallelujah, by all means say YES. If it is anything else, employ one of your superpowers, the ENLIGHTENED NO.

If someone asked you “You want to grab a drink after work?” and you really want to go for a walk instead, use your ENLIGHTENED NO. Create a YES for your walk, health, piece of mind, etc.

It is all very simple. Make choices that are congruent with what you want and aligns with your needs. Rewrite what a NO means. Start using your inner ENLIGHTENED NO and see what happens. I imagine you’ll be smiling a whole lot more!

always love,

Andrew Long
Ultra Life Coach

The Great Energy Drain

sink

When the pain of changing is less then the pain of staying where you are, you’ll change. Your reptilian brain will kick in. Survivability is a must.

If your refrigerator is empty, eventually you’ll go out or call for delivery,
when the hunger is too much.

If you are cold, eventually you’ll turn up the heat or put on more clothing,
when the temperature gets too unbearable.

If you have to go to the bathroom, you’ll stop what you’re doing,
when you just can’t hold it any longer.

It’s not a complicated concept. That’s the reason millions of taxpayers rush to complete their tax forms on April 14th. The pain point (penalty) is greater then the effort it takes to complete.

If you want to create a major life shift, proactively engage your joy points. Don’t wait to avoid the greater pain.

Let’s use taxes as the example. You may be wondering how completing your taxes could possibly have the net effect of a joy point when so many people associate it as painful. Taxes and pain seem to go hand in hand.

Imagine what you could do with all that newly freed up energy. Use it to powerfully create what you do want.

First, let’s state the obvious. Regardless of your personal feelings about–– it is the law, mandatory, and inevitable. Delinquency will parlay it, but you’ll need to deal with it eventually one day.

Like interlocking building blocks, everything in your life is interconnected. Here are some ways it will unknowingly affect you.

– Energy: Fretting and procrastination are a constant energy drain.
– Energy: The repeating thought of needing to complete is stealing away from the energy you could use elsewhere to be creating/expanding.
– Space: Your brain’s temporary storage capacity is like computer RAM. Holding onto the repeating ‘to do’ thought dramatically slows you down.
– Creation: You can’t increase your financial wealth if your affairs are in a disarray. It is all connected.
– Collateral Damage: Not having your taxes done will inhibit you from getting a loan or an investment opportunity that requires financials.
– State: Triggers a dose of shame and self-criticism which affects your energy and output.
– Alignment: All of the above gunk up your system, your flow.

Take some time today to jot out places in you life where you are stuck. What pain is associated with it and how painful will it need to get before you make a change?

If you moved through it and completed, what will the net effect be?  How will that affect you positively, i.e your joy points?

Getting  really clear about it will make it much easier to get started. Completion is just around the corner. So is the fun that follows!

always love,
Andrew

 

Photo: Flickr:spierzchala